How Do I Work With Clients Who Don't Want to Gain Weight?
Somewhere along almost every recovery journey comes…
the confession no one wants to say out loud: “I do want healing… I just don’t want my body to change.”
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This isn’t a sign that something’s wrong. It’s a sign you’re in the heart of the work. Fear of weight gain isn’t just about the number; it’s a fear of what that number represents: acceptance, safety, belonging, respect.
So instead of rushing past it or treating it like an obstacle you have to push through, let’s slow down and talk about what body goals actually represent, the meaning beneath them, the discomfort they stir, and the shifts they spark in how we see ourselves.
Whether you’re supporting others or navigating your own process, this episode offers language and perspective to help you sit with the messiness rather than fear it.
In this episode, we slow down to explore why ambivalence exists, what it reveals about our experiences, and why it’s a doorway rather than a roadblock. We unpack the deeper meaning behind body goals, what thinness represents, the safety it promises, and why those promises feel so powerful even when they aren’t rooted in truth. You’ll learn how to face fear without bypassing it, and why sitting with discomfort is often the catalyst for real change.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
The common dilemma of wanting recovery but not wanting to gain weight
Why this ambivalence isn’t a barrier
Exploring both sides: the part that wants recovery and the part that fears it
What body goals represent (acceptance, success, belonging, safety)
Why reaching a goal weight rarely brings the expected emotional payoff
How to slow down and unpack the deeper meaning behind body fears
The importance of validating fears without reinforcing the eating disorder
The clinician’s own discomfort and how it can impact the work
How identity shifts and loss of old beliefs show up in recovery
Imagining life and self-worth beyond body size
Seeing body goals as protective, not superficial, and exploring new ways to feel safe
Tweetable Quotes
"When somebody has an attachment to a certain body size or shape, it's because it means something and it represents something." - Rachelle Heinemann
"Ambivalence is when you want two things that contradict each other, where there are opposites at the same time. This is literally the purpose of therapy is to work through ambivalence." - Rachelle Heinemann
"The reason why we get stuck is because of ambivalence. It's because we want two things at the same time, and they're contradicting each other, and we cannot move forward." - Rachelle Heinemann
"What if we stopped treating body goals as something to take apart or dismantle? And if we started seeing them as something to understand, something to explore?" - Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
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Related Episodes
Episode 117. Weight Loss, Yay or Nay?
Episode 97. How to Handle the Hardest Situations (Clinician Series)
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More From Rachelle
Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
I believe in the power of deep work and its positive impact on your life in the long term. Learn more about how we can work together here.
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