What If I Relapse? Did I Fail?
Relapse isn’t the end of recovery.
It’s part of it. There’s this moment that happens for so many people in recovery, that sinking feeling when you realize some of those old patterns have crept back in. Maybe it’s skipping a meal. Maybe it’s the familiar swirl of guilt, shame, or perfectionism. Whatever form it takes, relapse can feel like you’ve failed. Like everything you’ve worked so hard for just… disappeared.
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Healing isn’t supposed to be perfect or linear, and when we stumble, it doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It’s a moment, one that can actually offer us valuable information about what still needs care, attention, and compassion.
I know how easy it is to feel like all your progress has disappeared after a slip or setback. But I want to help you reframe that moment. Instead of viewing relapse as proof that you’ve “fallen off track,” what if it’s actually a message? A window into what your body and emotions are trying to tell you?
In this episode, I’m talking about what relapse can look like, from behavioral slips to emotional or cognitive patterns that resurface, and how these experiences can actually deepen your self-understanding. I’ll also share some of the most common underlying dynamics I see in recovery work: fear of separation, perfectionism, shame, and that old belief that we’re somehow undeserving of ease or joy.
If you’ve ever felt afraid of “going backward,” I want you to know that you’re not alone — and that relapse doesn’t take away what you’ve already built. In fact, it’s a chance to come back with greater awareness, more capacity, and deeper compassion for yourself.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
What relapse really means and the difference between a slip, a lapse, and a true relapse.
Why relapse doesn’t erase your progress (and how it can deepen your recovery).
The emotional and cognitive sides of relapse: shame, guilt, perfectionism, and fear of taking up space.
How our behaviors often communicate what we can’t yet say in words.
Viewing relapse as a window into unmet needs rather than a personal failure.
Common underlying dynamics like fear of separation or shame-based self-punishment.
Practical steps for navigating relapse: reaching out for support, journaling, and reconnecting with what helps.
Why compassion and connection are essential to true recovery.
Seeing recovery as a spiral, revisiting familiar places with more awareness and strength each time.
Listen to the full episode to learn how to meet relapse with curiosity, connect with what it’s trying to teach you, and continue forward on your path to healing.
Tweetable Quotes
“Relapse isn't the end of recovery, guys. It's not the end of the road. It's a moment in it.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“We're not going to label it as a success or failure, but we're going to explore it.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“Is the body communicating something that the mind can't yet say?” - Rachelle Heinemann
“Even if it feels like you revisit the same old place, you are there with a lot more awareness and capacity than you have in the past.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“Recovery happens in connection. Recovery cannot happen outside of connection.” - Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
Bergen Mental Health Group Inc. is hiring! If you think you’d be a great fit, check it out!
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This episode is sponsored by Hidden River Healing.
Hidden River Healing provides compassionate, residential eating disorder treatment for girls, adolescents, and young women. Their expert clinical team emphasizes family involvement and individualized care in a beautifully designed facility surrounded by nature — a peaceful environment that supports recovery and lasting healing.
Program Highlights:
Specialized care for ages 8 and up, including a dedicated house for Emerging Adults (21+) and Mid-Life Adults
In-network with most commercial insurances
Ability to treat NG tube patients
Learn more: hiddenriverhealing.com/about-us
Follow on Instagram: @hiddenrivertx
Related Episodes
Episode 175. Real Recovery and How to Get There with Carolyn Costin, MA, MEd., MFT, CEDS, FAED
Episode 167. How to Achieve Full Recovery with Ilene Fishman
Episode 138. Substance Use and Eating Disorders with Sydney Greene
Episode 121. The Comparison Trap and Eating Disorders
Episode 115. How To Recover When Everyone Around You Is Dieting
Episode 79. When Recovery Isn’t Quite Recovery At All
Episode 57. The Connection Between Trauma and Eating Disorders with Heather Ferguson, LCSW
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Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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