It’s 11:00 PM, and you’re in bed scrolling, as one does.
Someone is laughing on a date, eating ice cream, captioned “Day 400 of recovery.” Next video: what I eat in a day, three meals, three snacks, and a cute latte with a cookie. Then someone steps down from residential and is thriving, obviously. You put your phone down a little too late and feel that sinking feeling. Behind, and definitely not inspired.
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If this post resonates with you or makes you feel something, share it with a friend! My hope is that we can keep this important conversation going long after the post is over.
This episode is for you if that sounds familiar. If you know someone in recovery or sit with people in recovery every day, stay close, because there’s a lot here she might not be telling you.
A lot of recovery content swaps diets and clean eating for a new standard to measure yourself against. The comparison stays exactly the same: she’s doing it right, and I’m not. High achievers get hit hardest, since a model of the good way to recover is basically an invitation to ace it.
I’m also getting into why your recovery would probably make terrible content, and why that might be the best news you hear all week.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
Why so many people finish scrolling recovery content feeling worse about their own recovery.
How recovery content, including pro-recovery clinician accounts, can become a new standard to measure yourself against.
Why social media mostly shows food, which is the thing recovery is trying to move out of the center.
Why the real work of recovery isn’t filmable, like the moment you felt angry and still ate dinner, or the meal that was boring and fine.
How posting a win changes the experience, and how even the most vulnerable videos are edited and chosen, so you end up comparing your unedited inside to someone’s selected outside.
Why her recovery is not your recovery.
A better question to ask after watching someone’s content: “Do I feel less alone right now, or do I feel behind?”
What feeling behind or jealous points to is the part of you still looking for something, maybe someone to tell you you’re doing it right.
How clinicians, dietitians, and family members can get curious about what a person is measuring herself against instead of telling her to unfollow an account.
Listening for the “shoulds,” like “I should be eating ice cream by now,” and how the feed may just be giving that voice a face.
How being the perfect student or person in recovery can bleed into therapy itself.
What recovery actually looks like: the random Tuesday you ate lunch and didn’t think about it, the fight where you said the thing instead of skipping a meal, the moment you let yourself want something.
Why you might not notice progress in the moment, and why that’s what it looks like when food stops being the main character.
Quotes
“Nobody posts the meal that was kind of boring and just fine. That’s what it looks like when food stops being the main character.”
“What you’re doing then is comparing your unedited inside to someone else’s selected outside.”
“I think the best question for us to ask is, “Do I feel less alone right now or do I feel behind?””
“Most recovery happens offline, like in private, in moments that, if we’re being real here, are too small and sometimes almost too strange to post.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I feel worse about my recovery after scrolling social media?
Recovery content often swaps diet culture for a new standard to measure yourself against. The content is different, but the comparison is the same: she’s doing it right and I’m not. Feeling behind after a scroll doesn’t mean you’re failing. It points to a part of you that is still looking for someone to tell you you’re doing it right.
Is recovery content on social media helpful or harmful?
It can be both. Seeing someone else go through meals, appointments, and food challenges can feel validating and make you feel less alone. It becomes unhelpful when you start measuring your plate or your timeline against theirs.
What is the difference between feeling understood and comparing yourself to others in recovery?
Feeling understood happens around feelings like fear, ambivalence, and joy. Comparison starts when you look at what’s on someone’s plate or how far along they are. The first leaves you less alone. The second leaves you feeling behind.
Why do I feel behind in eating disorder recovery?
Feeling behind usually comes from “shoulds” such as “I should be eating ice cream by now” or “I shouldn’t need more support.” Social media may give those thoughts a face, but they usually start with what you believe recovery is supposed to look like and who you think you have to be to deserve it. A therapist or dietitian can help you work through them.
Is it normal to compare my recovery to someone else’s?
Yes, and high achievers tend to feel it hardest. If you’re handed a model of the “good” way to recover, you’ll try to ace it. Social media also shows an edited, chosen version of someone’s recovery, so you end up comparing your unedited inside to their selected outside.
What does eating disorder recovery actually look like day to day?
Mostly it’s small and hard to film. It’s the random Tuesday you ate lunch and didn’t think about it, the fight where you said the thing instead of skipping a meal, or the moment you let yourself want something. You may not notice it in the moment, which is what it looks like when food stops being the main character.
How can clinicians and family members support someone who compares herself to recovery content online?
Get curious about what she is measuring herself against rather than telling her to unfollow. Listen for the “shoulds,” and notice whether she is trying to be the good recovery story in the room by performing progress. The goal is a space where she can be seen, which social media can’t offer.
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Related Episodes
Episode 173. Being Present and Eating Disorders
Episode 172. Imposter Syndrome and Eating Disorders
Episode 147. Social Media and Eating Disorders with Lily Thrope, LCSW
Episode 146. Caring Less About What Others Think
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Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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