There’s a reason “you need to eat more” can make someone…
…want to roll their eyes, shut down, or mentally exit the conversation entirely. And no, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re being stubborn or refusing to get better.
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Maybe you already know you need to eat more consistently. Maybe you’re struggling with chaotic eating and feel like eating less is the answer. Either way, hearing the same advice for the hundredth time probably isn’t going to magically make it easier to follow.
So what’s actually happening when that advice hits a nerve?
In this episode, I’m digging into what might be underneath that “you just don’t get it” reaction, from body image and fear of failure to grief, control, and the feeling that someone else is trying to make decisions about your body. Because sometimes, the eating behaviors we’re trying so hard to change are serving a purpose we haven’t fully understood yet.
I’m also talking to clinicians about what to do when a client pushes back against advice that’s technically correct. Spoiler: labeling someone noncompliant and moving on probably isn’t going to get you very far.
Whether you’re working through your own relationship with food or supporting someone who is, this episode is an invitation to get curious about the reaction instead of immediately trying to fix it.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
Why being told to eat more or eat more consistently can trigger frustration, resistance, or an eye roll.
The difference between knowing you need to eat more and feeling able to actually do it.
Why the same advice can land differently for someone struggling with restrictive eating versus chaotic eating.
How body image and the fear of giving up weight loss can influence someone's relationship with food.
Four things resistance to eating more might be protecting:
The hope that a plan will work, without having to risk finding out that it might not.
Grief around accepting a body that looks different from the one you hoped for.
A sense of control when other areas of life feel out of your hands.
A feeling of ownership over your body and the right to make your own decisions.
Why resistance doesn't automatically mean someone is stubborn, in denial, or unwilling to recover.
How clinicians can respond to a client's reaction with curiosity instead of labeling them noncompliant or dropping the conversation.
Questions to ask when advice doesn't land, including what the person felt when they heard it and what that reaction might be protecting.
Why understanding the purpose behind an eating behavior can be an important step toward making change possible.
Quotes
“You can’t be talked out of doing something that’s doing a job.”
“Having a reaction to something, whether it’s rolling your eyes or writing it off or shutting down, doesn’t mean that it makes it incorrect. It just means you’re having a reaction and we can try to understand what it is.”
“Whether it’s a plan you’re not ready to see fail, the loss you haven’t let yourself feel, the one place that you get to steer, or the last thing that’s still yours to decide, the way that you eat is holding something for you, which is why a “lecture” bounces off.”
“And as long as it’s still ahead of you, it’s still possible. Anything is possible. You’re full of hope.”
“Even when the advice is completely correct, doing it on someone else’s timeline can really feel like losing the last thing that was yours to decide.”
“It’s not just about delivering the information; it’s understanding how the person is receiving it.”
“Don’t argue with the advice, and don’t just swallow it. Ask what just happened internally when you heard that sentence. Ask what it might be protecting.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is it so hard to eat more when you have an eating disorder?
Knowing that you need to eat more doesn't automatically make it easier to do. Fear of weight gain, body image concerns, and anxiety about changing familiar eating patterns can make eating more consistently feel overwhelming.
Why do I feel guilty after eating?
Guilt after eating can be connected to food rules, body image concerns, fear of weight gain, or beliefs about what and how much you should eat. Exploring what those feelings mean to you can help you better understand your relationship with food.
How can I eat more consistently with an eating disorder?
Eating more consistently often involves understanding what makes regular eating difficult, including fears around food, body image, and weight changes. Working with an eating disorder-informed clinician or dietitian can help you develop a plan that supports your nutritional needs and recovery.
How does body image affect eating disorder recovery?
Body image concerns can make recovery challenging when eating more consistently feels connected to giving up a hoped-for body size or weight. Working through those fears and the grief associated with changing body expectations can be an important part of recovery.
Why do I resist advice even when I know it's right?
Resistance can happen when advice feels threatening to something important, such as a sense of control, hope, independence, or ownership over your body. Understanding what your reaction might be protecting can help you explore the resistance instead of simply fighting against it.
What is the difference between restrictive eating and emotional eating?
Restrictive eating involves limiting food intake, while emotional eating generally refers to eating in response to emotions. These experiences can overlap with other eating patterns, and neither label alone tells the whole story of someone's relationship with food or nutritional needs.
How can therapists help clients who resist eating disorder treatment?
Therapists can explore a client's reaction with curiosity rather than immediately labeling it as noncompliance or avoiding the conversation. Asking what happened when the advice was offered, what felt difficult about it, and what the reaction might be protecting can help uncover barriers to recovery.
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Related Episodes
Episode 191. Why You Can Be Doing Everything Right and Still Feel Worse
Episode 146. Caring Less About What Others Think
Episode 120. Disordered Eating VS Eating Disorder, Which Is It?
Episode 111. How To Eat When You Don’t Feel Like It
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Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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