You know that feeling when someone says, “Wanna hear a secret?” and suddenly your ears perk up? Secrets are juicy. But they’re also heavy, sneaky little burdens that shape our relationships, our bodies, and even how we eat. Seriously. Today, we’re diving back into the murky waters of secrets with none other than the incredible Dr. Katheryn Zerbe. If you’ve been around the UDE fam for a while, you’ll remember her from our earlier episode on secrets and eating disorders (if not, press pause and go listen to that one first—we’ll wait).

Why do people keep secrets?!

The ability to keep secrets is actually a developmental milestone. As humans, we need a sense of our own mind; we all need a sense of privacy. When a child starts to have more of a sense of self, their capacity to keep secrets increases. Secrets are not inherently bad; it is quite a milestone.

The problem becomes when secret keeping is not solely for the purpose of having a bit of space to ourselves. When it becomes obvious to a kid that something bad is happening and they get implicit (or explicit) messages to keep things quiet. When it becomes clear to a child that sharing more of themselves is not welcome. Or, when a teen needs to assert themselves so loudly in order to let others know they’ve individuated when they feel smothered.

Learn more about eating disorder therapy and treatment in NYC and Brooklyn with Rachelle Heinemann at rachelleheinemann.com.