The Perfectionist Paradox
Let’s talk about perfectionism.
It’s a relentless internal pressure to get everything “just right” that somehow makes life feel worse.
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This episode is all about what happens when you combine years of working with people navigating eating disorders, a healthy dose of sarcasm, and way too many personal run-ins with perfectionism. I’m unpacking the idea I’m calling The Perfectionist Paradox—where striving for perfection actually gets in the way of the thing you’re trying to do well in the first place. Neat trick, right?
In this episode, I’m talking about:
How perfectionism can look wildly different depending on whether it shows up with food, relationships, or your inbox.
Why procrastination isn’t always laziness—it’s fear in disguise.
The illusion of control and how we try to “fix” our insides by obsessing over our outsides.
How perfectionism shows up in recovery (yes, even your meal plan can become a control strategy).
That little voice that whispers “should,” “must,” and “not good enough” into your brain.
Why it’s so hard to show our flaws in relationships—and why doing it anyway is everything.
How vulnerability (ugh, I know) might actually be your secret weapon.
What it really means to shift from outcome-obsessed to process-aware.
Tweetable Quotes
“Thinking about what you're afraid of can help us open the door to what is driving your perfectionism.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“The perfectionism target is always moving, which means that you will never be able to attain it, and that’s kind of frustrating.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“The idea of striving for perfection in some ways is trying to avoid imperfection, and that any sort of mistakes or flaws are just unacceptable.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“One of the most important parts to understand about perfectionism is the illusion of control.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“We are too busy focusing on how our body ends up looking... that we don’t focus on what it is like to actually get there.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“Vulnerability is not only about sharing deep, dark secrets.” - Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
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Related Episodes
Episode 167. How to Achieve Full Recovery with Ilene Fishman
Episode 161. Eating Disorders and Low Self-Esteem
Episode 154. The Secret Sauce for Building Confidence: Part 1
Episode 146. Caring Less About What Others Think
Episode 123. The Beauty Ideal with Nechami Tennenbaum, MBA
Episode 90. How Do I Learn To Trust Myself? with Diane Barth
Episode 79. When Recovery Isn’t Quite Recovery At All
Episode 77. How to Accept Your Body
Episode 62. Perfectionism and Disordered Eating with Colby Golder, RD
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More From Rachelle
Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
I believe in the power of deep work and its positive impact on your life in the long term. Learn more about how we can work together here.
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