People Pleasing and Eating Disorders
If you’ve ever been told to “just set boundaries” and felt your entire body cringe… this episode is for you.
We’re getting into the real reason people pleasing is so hard to break, especially when it’s tangled up with disordered eating. Because it’s not just a bad habit you can switch off. It’s something that once helped you feel safe, accepted, and in control. And now it’s quietly running the show.
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In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what’s actually happening underneath the surface. The suppressed needs. The tension. The resentment that builds while everything looks completely fine on the outside. And why your eating disorder might be stepping in to regulate what you’re not expressing.
We’re also talking about why becoming “more assertive” feels so uncomfortable, why the fear of being selfish runs so deep, and what to focus on instead if you want real, sustainable change.
This is honest, a little confronting, and probably going to hit closer to home than you expect.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
How people pleasing and eating disorders are deeply connected and not a coincidence.
Why people pleasing functions as a way to feel safe, regulate emotions, and maintain relationships.
How constantly prioritizing others leaves little to no space for your own needs.
Why unexpressed needs don’t disappear.
How tension builds internally when needs are suppressed and eventually demands an outlet.
The role of your background and environment in shaping people pleasing patterns.
How beliefs like “conflict is unsafe”, “needs are burdensome”, and “love is conditional”, reinforce this behavior.
Why being “low maintenance” is an illusion.
How people pleasing creates a facade of control and healthy relationships while hiding what is really going on.
Why resentment, burnout, and worsening symptoms often appear even when everything looks fine externally.
The fear of being selfish.
How to start noticing automatic yes responses.
The importance of pausing before responding instead of defaulting to people pleasing.
How to begin identifying your preferences and needs.
How to track symptom spikes and connect them to what you are not expressing.
The basics of assertive communication.
How organizing your life around keeping others comfortable creates space for the eating disorder to thrive.
If you’re tired of performing “low maintenance” while quietly struggling underneath it all… go listen to the full episode.
Tweetable Quotes
“ So many people struggling with eating disorders also struggle with chronic people pleasing. That is not a coincidence. That is functional.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“People pleasing ends up being a way of regulating a way to feel safe.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“We’re always looking out for what somebody else needs from me, and there isn’t very much space for what I need in this situation.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“When we don't express our needs, and we don't get what we need, they don't disappear. They get redirected. It never, ever disappears, even though we think we're really good at it.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“There are all these suppressed needs, preferences, desires, etc. Then the tension builds and there's obviously a need for release because again, it doesn't go anywhere. And then the eating disorder behaviors step in as a means to regulate.” - Rachelle Heinemann
“When your life is organized around keeping everybody else comfortable, your eating disorder is going to find and have a place to live.” - Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
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Related Episodes
Episode 170. The Perfectionist Paradox
Episode 73. Food and Desire with Dr. Judith Brisman
Episode 62. Perfectionism and Disordered Eating with Colby Golder, RD
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Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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