In this episode of Understanding Disordered Eating, I’m digging into one of the most misunderstood parts of binge eating: why dieting and restriction so often lead directly to the exact thing you’re trying to avoid.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why that happens. We’re talking about how years of restriction, dieting, food rules, and trying to override your body can completely distort your hunger cues. We’re getting into the fear of “if I start eating, I won’t stop,” why so many people feel like their hunger is excessive or wrong, and why the advice to “just trust your body” can backfire when your body has spent years not being listened to.

In this episode, we’re shifting the focus away from motivation and onto three capacities that actually determine whether you can follow through. These are the things that help you take action when you’re tired, overwhelmed, not in the mood, or honestly just done with all of it. This is the work that makes recovery possible in real life, not just in theory.

No one is leaving a podcast episode and going to research assertiveness frameworks. You’re not pulling up a list of communication strategies while your boss is standing in front of you or while someone is waiting for an answer. That’s not how this works in real life. So instead of more theory, this episode is about what this actually looks like in real conversations. The small shifts that sound simple, but feel very different when you’re the one saying them. We’re getting into how to stop the automatic yes without swinging to the other extreme, how to say no without turning it into a full explanation of your entire life, and how to actually say what’s on your mind in a way that’s clear and still respectful.

In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what’s actually happening underneath the surface. The suppressed needs. The tension. The resentment that builds while everything looks completely fine on the outside. And why your eating disorder might be stepping in to regulate what you’re not expressing.

In this episode, we’re slowing that moment down and looking at what is actually happening beneath it. Because those urges are not random, and they are not a sign that you are failing. They are signals.

In this episode, I’m getting into why validation feels so addictive and why so many of us find ourselves chasing it without even realizing how much it’s driving our behavior. This shows up everywhere. In how you post online. In how you interpret other people’s reactions. In how you move through relationships. In how you feel about your body.

If you’ve ever felt like recovery makes things more complicated instead of simpler, or wondered why letting go of symptoms can feel strangely threatening, this conversation will probably land. We’re naming the stuff that usually lives just under the surface and exploring what it looks like to tolerate those conflicts without using food or your body to manage them.

You know when someone says, “Oh, that’s normal”, but something in your body clearly doesn’t feel right? Maybe you’ve lost your period and brushed it off because you exercise a lot. Maybe a doctor waved it away. Maybe you’ve been praised for your discipline, your control, your “healthy” lifestyle, even while your body has been quietly asking for more.

Especially if you have a complicated relationship with food, body image, or control, resolutions can feel less like hope and more like a trap dressed up as self-improvement. We talk honestly about why resolutions feel so tempting, how shame and pressure sneak into food- and body-based goals, and why that “clean slate” fantasy rarely delivers what it promises. 

Let’s be clear: nothing about this makes you weak, broken, or lacking willpower. In fact, what happens at night is almost always a signal; a physiological one, an emotional one, or both. Sometimes it’s as simple as your body saying, “Hey, I didn’t get enough today,” even if you didn’t feel hungry at the time. Sometimes it’s the residue of all the structure, pressure, and performance mode of the day finally melting away…and taking your guard down with it. And sometimes, the quiet of the evening is the only space where the loneliness, exhaustion, or unmet needs you pushed aside earlier finally surface.

In this episode, we dig into the messy, misunderstood world of eating disorders—the biology, the psychology, and all the medical myths that keep getting passed around like bad advice on the internet. Ever wondered why meds don’t seem to "work" for some people with anorexia? Or why the heck BMI is still a thing? Yeah, we go there.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “No, but really, my situation is different,” we’re talking about that too. Because while yes, biology and hormones play a role, a lot of us are way too quick to jump to, “I need a drastic fix” before we’ve even tried addressing our relationship with food (or, you know, feelings).

The truth is, our brains are wired to avoid pain and chase comfort—it’s a survival thing. The more we run from discomfort, the stronger it gets. It’s like that pushy friend who won’t take a hint and just keeps showing up. So, what if instead of dodging it, we actually learned to sit with it? What if facing discomfort head-on could make us more resilient, more in control, and—dare I say—even happier?

Someone who is more prone to feeling intolerable emotions is generally more prone to lean into any sort of eating disorder behaviors, substance abuse, or unhealthy coping mechanisms. The feelings they feel are so big and so intolerable, no wonder they’ll want relief from the pain.

So I think the biggest question here is: if you are a person who is highly sensitive, how do you deal with intense emotions?

While diagnostic criteria, such as those outlined in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), exist for binge eating disorders, it's crucial to prioritize the individual's subjective experience. There is a limitation when it comes to these medicalized classifications and it’s important to recognize the subjective nature of these issues.

In a world driven by absolutes and quick fixes, where opinions often seem black or white, it's time to stop for a minute and just think about how complex the situation really is. Let’s embrace the nuance in our decision-making, whether it pertains to nutrition, relationships, or any other aspect of life.

As I sat down with Dr. Gaudiani, she wasted no time in emphasizing the personalized and intricate nature of eating disorders. These conditions are shaped by a complex interplay of genetics and an array of factors still shrouded in mystery. Dr. Gaudiani made it clear that the web of complexities surrounding eating disorders extends far beyond our current comprehension, revealing the need for a bespoke approach to treatment.

As clinicians, our role goes beyond that of typical interpersonal relationships. We are healers, listeners, and guides to our clients, offering them a safe space to explore their emotions and experiences. When a client becomes upset or frustrated, it becomes a unique opportunity for us to understand their inner world better.

When you feel like bingeing or restricting “just happens,” how do you begin to uncover how you got there… so you can take steps to make it stop?

Believe it or not, an eating disorder has a purpose. Food and desire can be inextricably connected — and that’s what we’re exploring today with Dr. Judith Brisman.

Learn more about eating disorder therapy and treatment in NYC and Brooklyn with Rachelle Heinemann at rachelleheinemann.com.