Why You Keep Trying to Change, and It Keeps Not Working
Trying harder should work, right?
At least that's what most people assume. Find a better plan, get more disciplined, meal prep on Sunday, throw away the cookies, promise yourself you'll do things differently this week. And somehow, after all that effort, you end up back in the exact same place, wondering why nothing seems to stick. Super annoying.
Listen to the Episode Now
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In this episode, I'm talking about why so many attempts to change your relationship with food seem to fizzle out, even when you're motivated and genuinely want things to be different. Because constantly starting over doesn't mean you're lazy, uncommitted, or missing some magical piece of information.
We're digging into the deeper reasons certain behaviors stick around, what they may actually be doing for you, and why curiosity is often far more helpful than criticism. This conversation goes beyond meal plans and motivation and gets into the questions that most people never think to ask.
In this episode, I'm talking about:
Why motivation and willpower are usually not the real reason change keeps falling apart.
How repeatedly searching for a better plan can keep you from understanding what's actually driving your behaviors.
Why food behaviors often serve a purpose, even when they leave you feeling frustrated.
The importance of replacing self-blame with curiosity.
Why asking "What is this behavior doing for me?" can be more helpful than asking "How do I stop?"
How fear of weight gain is often only the surface layer of a much bigger story.
The ways shame, belonging, connection, and past experiences can influence your relationship with food.
Why giving up certain behaviors can feel scary when they have been helping you cope with difficult emotions.
Why you don't need to have all the answers right away.
How emotional exploration and practical support need to work together.
Why structured eating provides a foundation for recovery and consistency over time.
How "healthy eating" can sometimes become restriction with better marketing.
Why challenging food fears needs to happen at a pace that fits your needs.
What ambivalence really means and why feeling pulled in two directions is actually a valuable place to be.
Questions to ask yourself, including what weight gain means to you and what loosening the rules around food might represent.
Why recovery work sometimes requires support from a therapist or dietitian who can help you notice patterns that are difficult to see on your own.
How moving from frustration to curiosity creates more room for meaningful change.
Listen to the full episode for a perspective that might completely change the way you understand why change has felt so difficult.
Quotes
"We don't lead with the question, what do we do about this? We lead with the question, what is this actually all about? It's the question that changes everything when someone is really willing to look at it, because the answer is usually not what you think it is."
"Most of us are so focused on fixing the behavior that we haven't stopped to ask what the behavior is doing.”
"The reason change feels so hard isn't because you're weak; it's because something would have to be given up if you changed. Meaning, if the behavior is protective in some way, shape, or form, it's providing something for you."
"You don't need to know the answer yet. The key is starting to think about this and removing the blame that we're pointing at ourselves and starting to ask questions."
"Sometimes this isn't something that you can do alone, and that's where you might need a real person like a therapist or a dietician. Sometimes we need people who can see the patterns that we're too close to see."
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I keep failing when I try to change my eating habits?
Repeatedly struggling with food does not necessarily mean you lack motivation or discipline. Many behaviors serve a purpose, and understanding what they are providing can help create lasting change.
Why do I sabotage myself around food?
What feels like self-sabotage is often a protective pattern. Behaviors around food may be helping you cope with emotions, stress, shame, or fear, even when those behaviors are no longer serving you well.
Why is giving up dieting so scary?
For many people, dieting feels tied to safety, control, belonging, or fear of weight gain. Letting go of those rules can bring up emotions and beliefs that deserve attention and support.
What does fear of weight gain really mean?
Fear of weight gain often goes beyond the number on the scale. It can be connected to shame, past experiences, fears of rejection, or beliefs about worth and acceptance.
Why do I feel stuck between wanting recovery and wanting to stay the same?
Feeling pulled in two directions is called ambivalence, and it is a normal part of recovery. Having conflicting feelings does not mean you're doing anything wrong.
Does structured eating help with disordered eating?
Structured eating provides consistency and helps create a foundation for healing. Many people benefit from eating regularly throughout the day rather than relying on hunger cues alone in the early stages of recovery.
Do I need a therapist or a dietitian for eating disorder recovery?
Support can be helpful when you're too close to your own patterns to see them clearly. A therapist or dietitian can help you understand what is driving your behaviors and provide practical tools for recovery.
Resources
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Episodes Mentioned:
-Episode 45. Basics of Intuitive Eating
-Episode 122. Ozempic, Wegovy, & Mounjaro with Laura Cipullo
-Episode 133. GLP with Dr. Kim Dennis
Related Episodes
Episode 137. Eating Disorder Recovery Cannot Happen Without This
Episode 107. The Rules of the Therapy Game with Dr. Dana Satir, CEDS
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Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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